Ode to the Backseat

Think back to your youth all you adults and the thrill, or for those of you with siblings, the fight to call the front seat! Ahh the luxury and disillusioned feeling of maturity we felt when climbing into the passenger seat.

"I'm sitting in the front of the car. I've arrived. I'm no longer at the bottom of the food chain. Winning!"

If only I could go back to those days and really take in the moment, when I reveled to feel older and desired that false sense of adulthood. Now, as another notch of official yeardom approaches I find myself not caught by my yearly mortality reminder, but more in how I wish I could go back to the carefree days of the backseat.

Ahh, free chauffeur service. Those were the days...but were they?

Yes, I'd be lying to say no, but I'd also be lying to say yes. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the backseat will always feel dissatisfactory on some level. Why? Because the view is compromised. From the back you can only make out half of what lies ahead, and since most of us are creatures that like to be aware of our surroundings and know what we are about to face it's natural to revolt to only getting half the scene. Only grasping a portion of the world around us is, to say the least, frustrating.

Then again, maybe that's why we have the backseat to begin with. Maybe there is a reason it's safer for us to sit in the back as we grow. It gives us time to process the world beyond the window. And even as we may squirm in our seat, tired of the constraints second to that of a straight jacket, we are safe. And after a few short years and many shoe sizes later, one day one of your parents asks you if you'd like to sit in the "front" today. Your eyes grow big, a smile conquers your face and it happens. You have reached the next level. But beware, it is just the beginning of the end. From this point things will only grow more complicated. There is no going back from this point on. Life's view will no longer be the same and the innocence of the back seat will never be the same.

Oh backseat, may we ever appreciate all the worry free journeys and naps we enjoyed in your arms.

Nearly a year...

And what a year has occurred. I can honestly say I've experienced more change smooshed in the last 12 months than ever before. Moving, family loss, job changes, culture changes, homeownership...ahhhhh! A girl can only take so much.

And yet I know there is more. More of what...well I don't know. Good, bad, ugly, splendid, it could be any combination and yet when it's broken down it doesn't matter. Now I don't mean that to come off negative, just real. Real because life incorporates all of it. I'm not trying to sound existential but as I sit, waiting for the next step to reveal itself I realize just how small I am. And unlike many who might revolt against the idea of accepting my minimalism, I'm quite happy with it. Why? Simple. What happens to me is only part of an even bigger picture.

Bigger picture...yet another broad term. Many have debated what the bigger picture might mean, and unfortunately adhere to a very subjective view of what that means. As for me, change has brought me closer to truth. Truth in the one thing that has sustained me through all the change, tears, frustration, etc. Truth in the one thing that doesn't change no matter how much change I see because I'm only a piece of a puzzle. A piece that hopefully demonstrates whom I belong to and how my life is hopefully a demonstration of the truth bigger than anything I could ever achieve on my own. And who could honestly complain about that?

And for those who, with great determination, continue to check this blog I won't promise consistency in my posts but quality of posts I will always try to deliver! Thanks for reading! Let's see what another year yields...

Counting...

Today I am older. Yeah, I'm older every day, but it's officially documented today on the record books. I have successfully added another coal to my fire of life, and I have once again reached the #-0 marker (I'll let you figure out what number that is as a lady never reveals her age ;)

In my attempt to be introspective, this little post will catch a few of my mental blurbs about today...
1) A year ago today it was snowing! Yes snowing on the day following the first day of spring. Today, however, I am pleased to find the norm has returned to warmth and possibly some spring rain- which I adore!
2) Tulips are blooming- yay!
3) I've already experienced bliss in the simple form of Thin Mints, and I'd like to make a notion to add a Girl Scout calendar year, beginning when the first box is delivered and consumed in guiltless delight.
4) I think the reality of the added year will hit me when I fill out a questionnaire that includes checking an age box and find myself checking a different bracket...yikes!
5) One of my coworkers told me #-0 is the new 18. I agree...of course I will probably also agree when I hit my next decade too.
6) Ten years ago I wouldn't have placed myself here. But that's not to downplay any of what has happened in the last ten years. Gosh, ten years time has yielded a graduation, my first official leap into the "real world", my first full time job (currently working at #3), two engagements-and every relationship in between those, marriage to a wonderful man who has kept his promise that I will never be bored, my first trek over international waters, the loss of my first grandparent, the loss of my most beloved pet, family health scares which have furthered our faith and love, friends getting married and having babies, and of course the beginning of my writing journey. And those are just the most prominent moments coming to mind.
7) My metabolism decided it was time to slow down about three years ago...I will remain bitter that it never thought to ask my opinion on the matter.
8) The number of grey hairs (aka wisdom steaks) on my head, if all gathered together, could successfully create a proper come-over for a balding man. But until it reaches enough to create a toupee, I'll refuse to dye them.
9) I'm still a t-shirt and jeans kind of gal...external age will only aid to rally the youth inside!
10) And finally I pray that the next #0 years will trump the first #0 in the things I learn, the people I love, the wisdom I grasp, and the lives impacted by the way I live my own.

And with that I will hit "publish post" and wish everyone a Happy Abby's Birthday!

A Book in Eternal Progress...

For the few who might chance to read this blog every now and then, I am updating you on the latest of my novel adventures. Nearly three and a half years after beginning my first writing project I find myself, once again, in a place of reverie. You see I have once again come to a place where "I think" I have finished the latest and greatest installment of the never-ending-book-revision.

Now to the finality of this revision, I guess it will all depend on it's ability to catch some agent's eye and return a response such as "Wonderful!...Unputdownable...I'm getting this straight to an acquisition agent...Your characters, your plot, your writing voice, Bravo!" and so forth. So in my own attempts to make my page-people come to life over the last three years, I hope they have reached a level where their resume will be considered. A place where their literary maturity is worth consideration to be swept up in the world of publishing. Now of course I plan to accompany them wherever their journey may lead, but I won't lie and tell you that I'm partial to visiting, oh I don't know, New York or London if I had my druthers.

That's all for now...stay tuned for, heck, I don't know what installment will come next but you can bet something is a com'n!

Note to Self:

Hello? Self? Are you there?

Hi Self. Of Course I am here.

Where have you been?

Where you have been, of course. Isn't that kind of obvious.

I know but you haven't written me in a while and I was beginning to worry.

Well you know we've been busy.

Yes, I know. But why haven't you written me.

I...uh...I'm not sure. I just haven't.

Don't you like to share things anymore.

Yes, but I'm selective.

What like country club selective?

No, more like bakery selective. So much to choose from and often too much to choose, so you walk out in fear of buying too much or you splurge and then later have to buy bigger jeans. It seems I've been walking out of the store, yet my jeans would say different.

Yes, they were tighter this morning when you put them on.

Back to the point, please.

Sorry Self. It's just a new year and I thought I'd remind you of your indulgent online diary. How do you expect people to read about your writing if you aren't actually writing.

You might have a point.

You know I do.

Yes, but I don't have to admit it.

Not to others, but I'm you, you already have and you know I'm right.

Yes, you usually are right.

I know, but it's a responsibility I must bear. And that is why I got your attention. To deny me such intrigues as these is a crime.

Well, at least I know I can entertain myself.

Yes, it's a start but try not to get too caught up only in that. Blogger hermithood is not the most conducive to building a following.

I submit. So Self what would you have me do?

Just write. Most of the time it's to me anyway so journal, diary, chronicle...do whatever it takes and write.

And if I don't?

Then you will be hearing again from me sooner than anyone who just read this post would like. Don't put them through another blog like this. Besides that could lead to something else entirely as talking to yourself is not often characterized as functional, and you do have a book you want to sell.

Ah yes, true. Thanks Self.

You are welcome. And by the way I love the new background.

Why thank you Self. It's very English chic.

Thanks Self, that's exactly what I thought :)